Stop Glorifying Suffering!

Relax. There’s no red carpet or standing ovation waiting for you as Sufferhead of the Year.

There’s one thing we do in Nigeria and somehow people have turned it into a flex. In fact, some even measure it like a competition — who suffered more and who suffered longer.

Let’s get one thing straight, nobody collects awards for suffering. Nollywood has brainwashed us to think that if you suffer so much, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You see, because you suffer so much doesn’t mean you will be successful. You have to be smart, strategic, hardworking, consistent and know what you want.

People try to justify suffering in every area — finance, relationships, academics, family, everything. We have bought the idea that you have to suffer to make it in life. And when we see people making it without doing too much, we act like it must be illegal or they used spiritual means. Not every success is yahoo or jazz, sometimes it’s just planning and positioning.

Some people even go as far as hating people that have things well made for them. I am sorry dear for going through all this, but these people are not your problem. They are busy making the best of life — why don’t you do that yourself? Life itself has its struggles; you don’t need to romanticize it. It doesn’t make you noble.

We say things like, “I’m suffering now so I can make it later.” Okay, but what if after all your suffering… you still don’t make it? That’s the harsh reality.

Going through financial stress doesn’t prove you are disciplined. Living in debt and borrowing endlessly, consoling yourself with “Shebi Dangote self dey borrow,” without a financial plan or tools to educate yourself, will only make you suffer more. The difference between you and Dangote is that he has connections and assets to fall back on; you have your phone and your debt. Let’s be honest.

True financial strength is not how much pain you can endure; it’s making better choices, seeking financial education, investing, and creating systems that give you freedom.

Have you seen those TikTok influencers you watched when they still had few followers? Now they’re cashing out. It’s not because they did something illegal or they’re better than you; it’s because they told themselves suffering is not for them. They made choices, created connections, built platforms — and you, my friend, are even part of the people they earn from because you watch, like, comment, share. Wealth responds to strategy, not unnecessary suffering.

Some of you even think academic suffering is a badge. No sleep, 3 days straight, proud to look like a ghost during exams. You call it “hustle,” but you refuse to study smart, form study groups, use past questions, or ask for help. Then when someone gets an “A” without killing themselves, you start side-eyeing. It’s not witchcraft — it’s method.

We’ve turned “sacrifice” into bondage. First born must carry everybody, last born must be ATM and parent will drain their kids with the mantra “i raise you, so i should get back from you”. You can love your family and still set boundaries. Stop bleeding in silence and calling it loyalty. If the “sacrifice” is killing you, it’s not noble — it’s waste.

Now, the one I really want to talk about is ‘romantic relationships’. If you as a girl decide to be with a guy who is trying to make ends meet and you think when he finally gets his big break (if he does, actually) he will be with you forever just because you suffered with him — my sister, you are still in your delulu era. Don’t get me wrong, there are guys that will stay. But if that is your strategy, he will level up and meet someone at his level. While he is growing himself, grow yourself too. Invest in yourself and any skill you are passionate about. Nobody wants to be with someone who only takes. You want to buy sanitary pad — you call him. You want to get pants — you call him. Then later: “I suffered for him, he will take care of me.” You will be shocked at how quickly he changes.

What makes me mad is women who stay in marriage all in the name of “commitment” or “I want my children to stay with their father.” See, I have not lived the life of a married woman, so I can’t speak fully from their point of view — but anything or anybody that will take what life means to you should not be in your life.

How are you a fully blossomed woman in your youth, and now before 40 you look haggard, and your excuse is “marriage”? The man that watched you fade is fine with it. Your happiness means nothing anymore and you say, “Let me suffer, at least my children will take care of me.” Have you read Joy of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta? Please read it.

Suffering and staying with a man that gives no shit about you doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy at the end — you will just live a miserable life for nothing.

Why should you live a miserable life because of what society said, when you can live fully? Why should your happiness depend on someone else’s approval.

Enduring constant heartbreak, neglect, or abuse doesn’t make you strong — it drains you. Love was never designed to be proven through pain. A relationship built on suffering is not love; it’s bondage dressed as sacrifice.

Real strength is knowing when to walk away, when to set boundaries, and when to choose peace over chaos. Genuine love uplifts, supports, nurtures. It does not break you down just to test your endurance.

So please, stop glorifying suffering. Life is already tough on its own. Don’t add extra chains to yourself in the name of looking noble.

Choose strategy. Choose growth. Choose peace.