Love Without Money?....... Abeg Shift

Love + poverty = Survival Manual

Growing up, I always had the mindset that I want to make my own money. And anytime I voice that out, I’m met with questions like: “Shebi your husband will take care of you?” or “Men don’t like women that have money more than them” or “You want to be forming independent woman.”

Honestly, if I could make money from the number of times people have said this “independent woman” thing to me, I would have bought a Porsche by now.

To be fair, I carried that analogy with me for a while. But something about me is this: if I have something in my head that I feel is correct and no one can prove otherwise beyond reasonable doubt, I stick with it. And that particular analogy never sat well with me.

Why can’t I have my own money? Why can’t I look good for myself? Another human being feeling threatened by my presence because I am financially buoyant is not a me problem. They should step up their game or watch me go higher.

I’ve always had it at the back of my mind that I cannot marry a man that is not financially stable. By financially stable, I mean a person who can comfortably feed himself and at least two other people without feeling like he’s breaking the bank — and the same standard applies to me too. I’m sorry, but I cannot marry if I haven’t reached a certain level of financial stability.

Now, some millennials may argue, “But our parents didn’t have everything. Some started from a one-bedroom apartment or face-me-I-face-you.” Sorry o, this is not to shame anybody. But as a fully aware and educated individual who is working hard to do better, I don’t see why you should get married when you can barely feed yourself. It’s just common sense — a financial decision. We can’t keep using our parents’ sacrifices as an excuse for our own poor planning. Times have changed — cost of living is higher, kids are more expensive.

Do you plan to have a baby even though you can’t feed yourself? How do you cater for the innocent child that was jejely in heaven, only for you to bring it down here to suffer? And then some will say, “It is God that gives the child and will provide for it.” Yes, I believe God will provide but God also gave us brains to plan and wisdom to make decisions. Faith is not an excuse for irresponsibility.

Because what if your husband leaves you? As much as I hate how society paints it, women tend to suffer the most when marriages collapse. At most, the man will walk away when he’s tired of carrying the load. You, the woman, will be left with the kids. What will you do then?

One guy once argued with me that if a man lives in a one-room apartment, sharing kitchen and toilet with neighbors, queuing to fetch water every morning — but he’s hardworking, smart, God-fearing, intelligent, and has vision — I should consider marrying him. Meanwhile, in all of this, he’s still struggling to feed himself.

Laugh wan kill me that day. You say wetin? Even thinking about it now, I’m laughing again.

According to this guy, let’s assume me — struggling to feed myself — marries a man also struggling to feed himself. Then we’ll live in penury, “struggle together,” and one day my husband will make it big because he supposedly “has vision.” Sorry o, that’s Nollywood channel 157.

While it might work out for a lucky few, it is not everyone it works for. I even told him never to preach that nonsense outside to young girls. That whole analogy reminded me of the movie Acrimony. If you plan to “struggle” with a man, my sister, brace yourself and make sure you’re not idle.

He even asked me, “What if you’re staying in a two-bedroom apartment and doing well, and he propose marriage but ask you to move into his one-room apartment, would you say no?”

Oga, I would say No!

Why should both of us live uncomfortably when there’s already a better option on the table? This isn’t about pride — it’s about common sense. If I’m doing better in that moment, why can’t he check his ego and move in with me instead of asking me to downgrade my life?

Have you watched Crazy Rich Asians? The man cheated and divorced his wife simply because she was richer than him. This woman was literally hiding her expensive jewelry from her husband so he wouldn’t feel insecure, and at the end, he still blamed her success for his own incompetence.

Men naturally have egos and want respect. But the truth is, men who feel threatened by you hate themselves more because they believe they should have what you have, so they channel their anger at you, making you a victim of their insecurities.

And no, this is not me saying all men are insecure or lazy. In fact, I deeply respect men who aren’t intimidated by a woman’s success. My issue is with the ones who feel threatened instead of inspired.

Ladies, we have to be wise. If you choose to struggle with someone, do it with sense — and pray, because you’ll need it. And for clarity: I don’t come from a silver-spoon background either. I know what it means to hustle. That’s exactly why I don’t romanticize struggle — I’ve seen enough of it.

Even if you have “small cash,” it doesn’t mean your marriage won’t be tested or that you’ll never go broke at some point. It simply means you’re at least able to afford the basics of life — food, rent, health, small comfort — without unnecessary suffering. That buffer alone reduces plenty wahala.

Stability is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Do I believe in love? Absolutely. But love without financial sense gets tested faster than you think. Money won’t buy happiness, but poverty will test your marriage. Who love help when you never chop?

All I’m saying is: have your money and be with a man who also has his money. And before anyone says I’m materialistic, let’s be clear: I’m not asking for Gucci bags or first-class flights. I’m talking about the basics — food, rent, health, and a little breathing space.

Love is beautiful, but love plus poverty? Nahhhhh

Don’t let society shame you into lowering your standards, and please — don’t let Nollywood deceive you.