I Hate Men

Hol’ up, hol’ up — before you come for me.

Of course, I don’t hate men. Their mere existence is amusing. In fact, I’d love to share life with one someday — fingers crossed that goes well.

But let me tell you what sparked this rant.

Someone once said to me: “You’re too career-oriented. You might lose focus and end up without a man — and that could happen too late.”

Dramatic Pause.

Let’s get one thing straight — marriage is not a do-or-die affair. It’s either you get married or you don’t. Not every unmarried person is miserable – cant speak for all. At least they don’t have to go through some of the madness married folks deal with on the daily.

What I’m saying is: not being married doesn’t mean your life is meaningless. It doesn’t automatically equal sadness or failure. But society? Oh no. Society will have you believe that once a woman turns 30 and there’s no ring, no baby, and no man in sight — she’s doomed to die alone and live miserably afterwards.

For me, I actually love the idea of marriage. I think it’s beautiful to have one person who makes you feel like the best thing on earth. Cute, right?

But apparently, because I don't support the usual narrative of putting men on a golden throne and women in the kitchen, I’m now “one of those women” — the ones who “hate men” and “will end up alone.”

Let me tell you what brought this up. It's about Two Women

Let’s call her Madam Philo

According to the gist, Madam Philo is over 50. Her life is together — good career, money, she’s pretty too. But no husband. No kids. And worse? She supposedly hates love. Anytime someone’s being lovey-dovey around her, she gets irritated. So therefore, Madam Philo is living a miserable life and hates men. Matter of fact, once madam Philo leaves work, she goes home to an empty house. Sad. Madam Philo is so sad, miserable and lonely. Why ? Because she has no male figure in her life.

Then there’s Madam Ruth.

Now, Madam Ruth is a little bit different from Madam Philo. In fact, Madam Ruth was married before and has a kid but she is now separated from her husband. So she cares for her only child and she is sad. She snaps at the smallest things and in short people at work are scared of her. It is assumed that because she doesn't have a husband and also a single mom, she is sad.

Before I move on, might I say I get easily pissed at any little inconvenience at work. Don’t even try me when I am hungry. I would be so moody until something fills my stomach. So what’s my excuse? No husband too? Or is it just that I’m human?

Also, I was raised by a single mom. My dad died when I was two. My mom never remarried. And guess what? She did just fine. She’s not perfect, but she gave me all she could. I didn’t grow up in sadness or bitterness. I grew up loved.

So no, we are not going to keep tying a woman’s happiness to whether or not she’s getting laid, cuddled, or ringed up. Matter of fact, they hate the idea of men.

I don’t know Madam Philo or Madam Ruth personally, but what if they just love their own company? What if love wasn’t working out for them and they choose peace instead of pressure?

We don’t have to condition women to choose marriage by fire or force.

Naturally, once a female child is born, she is raised for marriage. We might lie to ourselves but it is the fact. They are taught to do certain things at an early age with the sole purpose of not messing it up in future.

A girl spills water, and she hears, “Is that how you’ll behave in your husband’s house?”. She forgets to greet an aunty and gets, “Is that how you’ll greet your mother-in-law?”

Can we breathe?

Yes, marriage is beautiful — I’m not here to drag it. But can we stop judging people based on the choices that bring them joy? Can women stop being grilled for every decision that doesn’t align with tradition?

Someone says “I don’t want to get married. I just want to enjoy life.”

Your response shouldn’t be “But what if you die alone?”

Let them enjoy life first nau. If they change their minds later, cool. If not? Also cool. Live and let live.

Now don’t get me wrong — I personally don’t buy into the idea of going to buy sperm and raising a child alone on purpose. Not because single parents don’t do great — they do — but because every child deserves the chance to experience both parental roles where possible. It’s not always doable, but when it is? It just makes sense.

But again, society’s first mission is to control women. It always has been.

I just hope as we all try to figure life out — whether you're a man or a woman — you enjoy life fully. Because truly, we only get one shot.

And please, don’t go quoting me out of context later.
Before you say, “It’s Mide that advised me...”
Abeg, I just talked my truth.

Muah 💋