Girl’s Girl

There’s something beautifully complex about female friendships.

The bond, the shared laughter, the loyalty. But more than anything, what stands out is the high expectations that come with being a “girl’s girl.”

You’re expected to always show up. Always have her back. Hype her. Defend her. 

Most importantly, support every decision — even when it doesn’t make sense. 

Just Me and bestie, My person always ❤️

And while you’re doing all that, you better not miss a beat because somehow, the moment you do, you’re suddenly no longer a real friend.

But here’s the question;

Does being a girl’s girl mean I have to agree with everything you say? Even when it’s wrong? Even when it doesn’t align with my values, or my bank account?

In female circles, especially with how loud social media has become, there’s this unspoken rule: If you don’t blindly support everything your friend does, you're an enemy of sisterhood.

And I get it. Loyalty is important. I believe in sisterhood to my core. But I also believe in being honest, having boundaries, and speaking up — with love. 

People forget we’re human beings first before anything else. I can be loyal and still hold a different opinion. I can support you and still respectfully say, “Babes, I don’t think this one makes sense.”

NYSC passing out with my favorite humans

Let me give you a real example.

Back in 300 level, one of my close friends wanted us to buy Ankara for her “Boyfriend’s Grandmother’s” burial. Her boyfriend’s grandma — not her grandma, not her husband’s grandma. Ankara wasn’t cheap, and at the time, I genuinely didn’t have the money. So, I can’t afford  it. I thought it wasn’t a big deal.

But somehow, that became a problem.

One of our friends said I wasn’t supporting her. That I should do more because he’s important to her. Maybe he was. But me too, I matter. And if I can’t afford it, I won’t break the bank because of that. That didn’t make me less of a friend — at least, not in my books.

My babies back in undergrad. This is post Covid 😂

Another one that still stings: 

A friend was getting married and didn’t tell any of us. We found out through someone else. We forgave her because of the circumstances around the whole thing and decided to support her anyway. We planned things, planned our own aso ebi without telling her — out of excitement.

Two weeks to the wedding, she suddenly brought her own aso ebi — a different, expensive one — and insisted we buy it.

I was like, “Wait, what?”

We had been planning and hyping you for months. You didn’t involve us in the real stuff, but we still showed up. Then two weeks to your big day, you expect us to drop everything and buy lace plus a bunch of other expensive stuff?

We later found out she had an aso ebi people already, we are just extras. This is someone we considered friend

I refused. I didn’t buy it. I bought her a gift and sent it.

Guess what? Our friends who went to the wedding weren’t even acknowledged because they didn’t wear that aso ebi. They weren’t served food. It was the husband’s friends who helped them get food, and even that was somehow awkward.

Because you are my friend doesn’t give you the right to be nasty towards me. We have to be respectful towards each other

My babies back in undergrad

So again I ask: Does not buying last-minute aso ebi make me less of a girl’s girl?

If I love you, I will show up for you. I will celebrate you, support your wins, and cheer you on like my own sister. But I will also lovingly call you out when something doesn’t feel right.

Being a girl’s girl doesn’t mean I stay silent when I’m hurt. It doesn’t mean I throw away common sense to prove loyalty.

Real sisterhood, the one I believe in, is built on mutual respect, not fear. It’s being able to say, “Babes, I love you, but this one? I don’t agree.”

It’s not about tearing each other down but being strong enough to say the truth with kindness — and being open to hear it too.

My baby sis because she is my favorite girl🤭

So yes — I’m a girl’s girl.

But not a silent one.

One who will love you deeply, celebrate you loudly, and challenge you when necessary. One who will never treat you less than I’d treat myself. I just hope you’d do the same for me.

So tell me — what’s your own definition of a girl’s girl?